Gwinnett County Road Race

So, Anakin and I had our first official race together... Ok. Not really together because let's face it: he's not ready to pump out 3 miles, but at a 5k I ran in, they also hosted a little quarter-mile "fun run" and for $10, he got to "race" (there were no winners), got a medal, and also got a tshirt that won't fit him for a few years. So, it was worth it all the same.

I beat my last time by a ton, clocking 27:03 and winning my age group. I got a nifty little trophy, a shirt, and a water bottle. Rock on.

I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen because I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do because nothing I can do feels like the right thing to do and so there is nothing to do. Except nothing seems to be the polar opposite of the right thing to do and so every other wrong thing that doesn't feel like right must be close to right and maybe I just don't know what right is at all right now.

I need to go to Montgomery. I need to go because my grandmother is dying. Her heart is failing and she is 93 years old. The doctors are going to do surgery in the morning but for what reason? I need to go because if I don't, and she doesn't make it, I'll always be sorry there was no real reason that I stayed. I'll always be sorry that I didn't go when I could. I don't want to go because Anakin has a runny nose. I don't want to go because Dennis can't come. I don't want to go because there are a hundred things I'll be leaving undone here at home. Even going doesn't feel like the right thing to do. And yes things will be left undone, but life happens. And death is a part of life. And that part is happening right now.

I'm looking out the window and listening to the world move and for no reason I can pinpoint, I'm really pissed off about it. The birds are still chirping and the wind is still blowing the branches and cars still crowd the busy street that runs behind our fence. "HEY" I scream in my head. "SOMEBODY IS DYING!!" Don't they care? I remember, with the death of my godmother, the feeling that sank so deeply in my chest, that I was alone in this sorrow. That I was sadly, utterly alone. I watched people walk by me with their careless faces, laughing and carrying their conversations. And I was alone. And I am alone. And misery eats my insides. I'm hungry but I can't eat. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm empty in places I didn't know could feel. And I am alone.

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

So I've been absent. If it's been painfully obvious for anyone, they haven't said anything so we can call it all a wash. ;) Lets do a little March/April catch up as they were busy busy months.

Dennis took us on a cruise that started March 28th and went 6 days with one day in Grand Cayman and one day in Cozumel, Mexico (pre swine flu). This trip, of course required a pre-trip up to Kentucky to drop off Anakin. It was a really good trip up there since my sister's kids also happened to be on spring break. Anakin got to spend an uninterrupted week with his cousin, Will which never happens since they live about 15 hours away. I got to spend a few days with my sister, too, which really only acheived to remind me how much I wish we lived closer to one another. When we went to get Anakin after the cruise, we also got the piano my mom bought me for Christmas. So now we are proud piano owners. None of us really know how to play but that is a minor detail we hope to fix shortly.

The cruise was great, but honestly, I'm not sure I'll be on a boat again anytime soon. I get sea sick and we had rough seas two nights. I did find these by the second day and felt much better. We took full advantage of being in foreign countries and did excursions at both ports. In Grand Cayman we did snorkeling at the barrier reef. There were two huge stingrays that joined us and even came up to the surface and let us pet them. It was so cool. We also saw lots of colorful fish and cool sea life. The water also felt AWESOME. It was so intensely hot when we got so close to the equator that the water was incredibly refreshing and might have been my favorite part of the whole experience.

In Cozumel we did an ATV adventure thing that took us through the "jungle" (There were plants... I wouldn't really call it a jungle) and then brought us to a beach. We made a few stops to check out a Mayan cave and a Mayan sink hole that apparently they used to sacrifice virgins to the Gods of Rain? ummmm.... ok. All the same we got really nasty dirty and it was so much fun! After that, we still had all day to waste on the island. We thought it smart to stay near port all the same and we shopped at the little vendors right around the ship and got lunch at a restaurant there as well. While I realize we may have risked our lives by eating there, the food was incredible. We bought Anakin a few souvenires and Dennis a lucha libre mask. We also got him a really expensive bottle of tequila for the bottle, not the acohol. It is beautiful. The bottom of the glass is hand blown and comes up into the bottle like a giant pineapple and it came with a cool case so it is now nicely displayed in his office... right next to that stupid mask.

April has been busy with preperations for school. I have been fervently working to get all my financial aide in place and just need a few more things to be officially "accepted" into my program of study. I will be taking just one class this summer (July-August) to get ready for the program in the fall and should be starting full-time classes in September. We're hoping with Anakin in school three halfdays a week this fall that I should be able to handle the workload since almost all of my classes will be online.

Well that catches you up for March/April. Maybe I'll get on again before June and you'll know about May while it's happening instead of after.